"Enjoy the process"

The last few days I've taken a hiatus  from my exercise schedule. With the side effects I was experiencing I felt that it was better to not push myself too much. It was the muscle weakness in my legs was the worse. Just going of the stairs (which I do everyday, multiple times a day) would cause my muscles to nearly reach fatigue (like as though I was doing squats or lunges with added weight). There was no reason that my body should have felt that way pre workout.

My doctor was right though. On Thursday he said I should notice a vast difference by the next day with the adjustment we made to my dose, and I did. I wasn't back to 100% yet, but my mind was clearer and the weakness was still there, but not as bad. I still took the day off from working out. I have not, however, taken any breaks in tracking my food intake and watching what I eat. We have been vegetarian for about 2 weeks now, and it's going very well. I started a post on vegetarianism, but I have yet to complete it. It is working with  making get towards my goals easier, and there are very good reasons as to why that is, but I will talk about that later. I mostly wanted to give a quick update to stay on track. I will be getting in Burn circuit 3, my C25K workout from yesterday where I will walk for 27 mins and run for 3. I will also do the CLX recharge and then Ab Burner as I can do a better job with my form and getting the most out of it than with the Extreme Abs. That will cover cardio, strength, and flexibility and abs for the day and I will feel a bit caught up. I have ran into set backs the past through weeks, but I am making it through and staying consistent. The results are definitely showing too.

Upon my last C25K workout, I ran into through with running the full 2 mins. I was thinking that perhaps I should break it up into 4 intervals instead of doing 3, but I will try to continue with 3 for the next two workouts to see if it was simply the muscle weakness that was causing the trouble as it really felt like it shouldn't have been that hard.

I am very excited about my progress, but so far the scale is still showing previously conquered territory. I am getting a bit anxious about when I get down to 231 and below 230, I've never been able to maintain lower than 232 or so. That's usually the point where my tendency to self sabotage kicks in and I end up losing steam. That was one reason for this blog, to help me when it gets hard to stay on track. To motivate myself to stay consistent and to find my way around any road blocks that I come across. To build accountability. I have gotten behind on the Chinese thing, but I was excited when I was watching Reno 911, the episode where Junior accidentally gets married to the mail order bride from China, and I understood some of the stuff that the Chinese woman was saying, when the previous time I saw it, it was just gibberish. Woohoo!!

I've also been thinking of trying to take up knitting again. Specifically learning to knit lace. I've been drooling over arm warmers and fingerless gloves on Etsy.com and since money is sort of a tight resource, I was noting that I could probably make some of them fairly easily from old shirts and such, and/or learn to knit them. Maybe I could try to sell a few, for really just the cost of the materials to support the hobby.

Until Later.

Day 25

Sick day

Ended up staying home sick from work today. The lack on concentration issues were so bad that I called in and stayed home. I was able to talk to my doctor today, and he said that it is a very rare side effect of the medication and that with the alterations that we made, I should notice a big difference as soon as tomorrow. So that is a relief. It has been really frustrating trying to get through the last week. My home is safe, so i don't have the added burden of anxiety that I would get outside in the world. Of course, even here in my sanctuary I had trouble being able to even read more than a couple sentences at a time while surfing the internet.

My eating was a success for today. Feels like I stuffed myself at dinner, but I really didn't when it came down to the actual calories. I made tzatziki and served it with pita pocket bread that was quartered and divided to make it seem like more to my beloved and son (hee. hee. sneaky me). I also tried a new recipe, which was actually something completely new for me to make. Samosas. They were curried and were served with a Mint-cilantro chutney.

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I was so excited with this culinary endeavor that I made it special by serving the tzatziki on a piece of my grandmother's wedding china. Probably should have done it the other way around for presentation to not have the white-on-white with the dip, but documenting it with photographs was sort of a last minute decision.

Anyway, it was a very satisfying dinner, and the samosas will be a great item to experiment with and to make ahead and freeze. I'm looking forward to my lunch tomorrow.

I have hope for tomorrow. I'm also over halfway to my goal for fitness minutes for the month. This is significant since whenever I set a goal of say 500 fitness minutes for a month always fall short, usually by a lot.I am also very much looking forward to feeling better with my concentration going back to normal and my muscles not feeling weak. It wasn't a lot of weakness, but even a little is not pleasant.

Day 24

Weeken Update 3: Can't believe it's been another week already

Another week has come and gone, it seems not all that long ago I was doing my last catch up because the days got away from me. It's been an interesting week, a lot of ups and downs. I've been on the new dose of my SNRI for a couple weeks now, and with the regular exercise and trying to make healthier choices, I'm starting to feel better actually. I'm not used to it at all, and I still feel like there is something wrong. I've suffered from chronic depression for most of my life, starting when I was a child. I've been going to a psychiatrist at the urging of my fiance and recommendation of my therapist since February. It's a slow process, but it feels like we may be making some progress.

It's been a lot easier eating within my range and the last time I went to Red Robin, I not only got a boca burger patty, I got the burger wrapped in lettuce. I really didn't miss the bun, not the at least 200 to 300 calories it would have had. All around it's been good, not major sabotaging binges or anything. We've also been vegetarian for one week now and I think that is helping a lot. It limits us from going and getting fast food, and we've been eating more fruit and vegetables. We already were working to cut out the junk food. So far we are experiencing some very healthy changes in our eating habits. I look forward to the months to come as we continue this journey to find a good balance with food together.

Day 15

Day 16

17

Day 18

Day 19

Day 20

Wow, just about 10 more days to it being a month! I didn't realize that until I finished this with the picture captions.

Day 14

Today was a momentous day actually. At first glance, it starts like any other. I got up, went to work, ate my usual oatmeal for breakfast, I drink my coffee, I track my calories, my life and existence as i know it now. The days count down to my wedding, 4 months and two days, so much to do. But life goes on in the midst of it all. I go to work, I sleep, I take care of and play with my lovely son.

I wonder everyday, every workout, when will I finally have melted enough layers to see myself. Today, I look in the mirror and notice something, my face is thinner, it's small, and perhaps only I notice it, but the way my hair lays, the way underneath my chin looks, there's less there. It feels like it's been so long that I've been doing this and it has and it hasn't. This bout is only a couple weeks, but then I realize that it shouldn't be looked at as "only" two weeks. It should be something to be celebrated.

So Today is August 1st!

1. it has been 2 weeks, 14 entire days of watching my food intake/calories!

2.. I have been exercising regularly for 2 weeks!

3. I completed the 1st week of  the ChaLean Extreme TurboFire Hybrid Schedule. 1 week down, 19 to go!

Every day it gets easier. It wasn't all that long ago that I was wondering how in the world I ever maintained a lower weight, how I didn't weigh 200 to 300lbs in high school. How did I eat less food? It would seem nearly impossible to stay under 1700 or 1500 cals. But it's getting easier and easier, especially the days I exercise, naturally.

Today may have started like every other, and it's ended similar to the days in the last two weeks, but it's not like every other. It's been a day to actually notice where I am going. I still can't even imagine the results, what it would look like or feel like, but I know that it will be unbelievable when I try on my dress and it fits.

Today is also day one for starting to give up meat, for at least the next four months. I slightly failed today in that I had forgotten a lunch and had a weight watchers smart ones meal in the freezer at work. It had a little bit of turkey sausage in it, so I was a little bit unsuccessful in having a meatless day, but it was the only slip up.

DAY 14!!!

Weekend Update 2: Getting caught up.....

I may have gotten behind on posting my food diary reports, but I actually only have one day or so where I ended up failing to track. This is a pretty good track record for me. I may have missed a day or two since mid July, but I've been consistent, more so than ever before.

The weekend was good. I went to a bridal shower on Saturday and then in the evening, I had some screwdrivers at home with my fiance. We don't drink much, but every once and a while we'll get a bottle of something. On Saturday it was a bottle of Absolut APEACH Vodka.

The bottle is so pretty.

So suffice to say, I went over on calories on Saturday, but it wasn't by too horribly much, and did torch a good 400 to 500calories during my exercise, and another 700+ on Sunday, which I was well within range to where it'll make it up. The next major days coming up are if I go to the Lane County Fair in late August, and then my co-worker's (who's bridal shower I went to on Saturday) wedding on the 26th. I started using my Blackberry again last week, and began scheduling all my workouts for "TurboLean".

It has been invaluable scheduling them in way ahead of time, for instance, my colleague's wedding day, the 26th, is a Friday, so I have work until 2pm and then I'll need to get ready for the wedding which is out of town at 4:30. I'm not really going to have time to get my workout in, so i rescheduled my rest day from Thursday to Friday and will do Friday's workout on Thursday. It feels really good to be scheduling this way so I can plan ahead and see how I will accomplish my goals and not just take the "I'll get it in somewhere if i can..... eh, I don't really have time" philosophy. Speaking of which, In addition to getting caught up on blogging and updates, I still need to to my exercise for today, which isn't terribly long, but I need to get onto it. So here are my Food Diary entries for the 27th thru the 31st, minus the one day that I missed tracking:

Day 10

Day 11

12

Day 13

Booyah!!!!!

I feel great. I was all psyched up for my new workout regime, but I'm still a bit nervous. If I can pull this off, my body will be pretty well on it's way to something pretty amazing for me. I'll be stronger, and I'll feel better all around, have more energy and maybe more confidence. Perhaps I'll finally be peeking through these layers to actually see who and what I am. The idea of the vulnerability is scary, but I'm just trying to focus on one day and one workout, one meal at a time. Will people like what they see when the real me shows through?

I did day one of the TurboFire ChaLean Extreme Hybrid (I nicknamed TurboLean to save time). It was yoga, which was SO MUCH better than the yoga in P90X! It was a challenge, but was nice at the same time. Then I totally kicked ass on my run intervals! I really pushed it. Felt so good to be running again. Tomorrow is supposed to be my rest day, but I may move it around to Saturday since I have my co-worker, Brooke's, bridal shower. It's in Cottage Grove, so it'll be a bit of a tighter schedule than normal, and Wednesday afternoons are a good time to squeeze in workouts.

Day 9

Weekend Update 1: here's to the first of many.

...and then this was dessert!

Friday night's dinner

It's always a challenge to keep track on the weekends. I didn't keep track on Saturday, which was a caloric bust, but I alright today and Friday was very good. I totally "vegged out". We ate a lot but it was fruits and vegetables. It was so good! We devoured the vegetables, and I got the smaller tray since it had the smaller amount of dip. Carson is way too in love with ranch, so we stopped buying it ages ago. If we had gotten the tray with the larger container, we would have eaten all the dip, so this was definitely the better option. I want to get into making my own hummus and dips that are lower calories and will be good with vegetables...especially when we end up going to raw foods in a few months.

Also on Friday I did ChaLean extreme, and then 10 mins walking. I was supposed to do 30, but I decided instead to work on my kitchen, which I got a lot done and burned even more calories. I'm really kicking ass on getting my kitchen in order.

On August 1st, we'll making a change to our eating plan. We are going to go vegetarian, for at least a few months. Carson has been considering it for a permanent life change, but we'll see how that goes after the wedding. So we'll be vegetarian in August and September, and then we'll go Vegan in October and Raw foods in November. Course, thanksgiving will be a challenge. I was afraid to do this at first, but now I'm excited. It feels like a fresh start. We both have had troubles learning to be healthy Omnivores, so starting over with being an Herbivor for awhile at least will help up prepare our bodies and minds for whatever way we go with our food journey in December.

For the next week I will be creating a plan for the grocery list, especially our evening meals and how we will prepare the foods to make it easier to put together the meals. The change will be hardest on Miles, so I'm not sure how to address that. I may just keep meat around for him so  he can get the fats and proteins that he needs. I'll have to do more research into it as far as kids go.

All and all I am happy with the last week and weekend. I didn't get all the workouts done that I had scheduled, but I got over 300 exercise minutes, burned over 2000 calories and was under on my calories nearly everyday of this week. I have to take it one day at a time and one week at a time.

Here are the results for Friday and today, as I said, I didn't track on Saturday.

Day5

Day 7

Trying to listen better to my body, and have no fear of it's limitations

I always hate it when I start a new exercise routine and end up hurting myself. It happened when I started running, and the last time I started doing ChaLean Extreme. It can end up derailing me. I feel terrible and awful because I'll be injured and unable to do anything due to shin splints, or severe back pain. I would hold back to avoid this from happening, but it doesn't get me anywhere.

So I've been trying to push it, but not over do it with this round. I can't afford to injure myself form my stupidity or impatience. Chalean Johnson also shows you how you can create your own resistance, so if I end up going a little lighter, I can adjust as I need to to work my muscles to their limits. But again, I am still anxious about getting hurt, and losing more and more progress. I LOVE the feeling after I get through my workouts. It's hard and I may have to force myself a bit to get going, but I focus on how great it will feel in the end when I get that physical high and also the mental boost of logging my minutes and calories burned.

My hamstrings have felt really tight today and also sore and a bit like they were a little over worked.  Not to the point of injury, but felt like it was a warning side that I needed to give them a rest. So I took today as my second rest day in the week as opposed to it being on Sunday. I am concerned that it would have been fine and that I shouldn't worry so much about it. That maybe I'm using the "fear" of my body's limitations as an excuse not to exercise today because I'm tired (which I am). What if I do the same thing tomorrow and the next and the next? I can't allow it though. I have to stay on task. I have to keep moving forward, give my body this day of rest and then push it again tomorrow. It has to change. I can't hide beneath these layers anymore, because it's no longer comfortable and it gets less and less so every day.

I haven't worked on my Chinese much the last few days. It was fun while we were camping talking about it and practicing it slightly with my sister (she was a teacher in China for the last year and is going back for one more year). I misplaced my ipod in my house somewhere which has the podcasts that I've been using to help with learning. I also have been busy with my new routine of tracking, exercising and keeping this blog. Maybe I needed a short break. It's been a busy few weeks. And we're getting down to really having to get our ducks in a row for the wedding.

Day 4

It was all about the food....

Today, I had my usual oatmeal breakfast, and for lunch the other half of the sandwich I got yesterday from Safeway. I didn't do well on my fruit and veggie intake as I would have liked, but I am really proud of myself today for several choices that I made, since they were different than what I would have done normally.

First, it was payday, so I took Carson out to Jack in the Box for dinner. I planned out to get the pita, which is one of the best choices on the menu. I had it all planned out ahead of time, and I stuck with it. normally, I would have gotten a burger or something that was a lot higher in calories. The only mistake was that I forgot to order it without the grilled onions. They're cooked in butter, and there's no control over how much would be used. I used to work there so it does make it easier to understand these minor details.

I also gave a ride to my son's aunt Missy. She had a class to go to and it was right across the street from dutch bros. ....And anyone will tell you, I LOVE Dutch Bros. sooooo very much. My mouth was watering over the idea of a blended black and white mocha. It sounded so sweet, and cold and icy. The dark chocolate syrup they have.....ooooohhh so fabulous. I was thinking about it the entire drive, especially with the warm weather. I also got my exercise clothes on before I left to pick Missy up so that I could do my workout as soon as I got back home.

Normally I would have gone to dutch bros gotten the drink and come home and may or may not have worked out. Instead I had a 1/2 cup of raspberry sorbet with 2 Tbs of sugar free chocolate syrup. It was so good, and a decision I was really proud of. This time feels different. I even started purging my cookbooks. I'm really trying to focus on food, and also trying to learn to not be afraid to do the heavy lifting for my workouts. I've also been working on the connection between the two. It was a good day. It wasn't an easy one, but there was nothing horribly hard. Here's to it being easier as I have more and more days behind me.

Day 3

Day 2 Update

Today wasn't bad at all. I began Day 1 of ChaLean Extreme as well as my C25K plan. I feel fantastic. It's been awhile since I've felt this good. I've also began doing more and more research into food addiction. My fiance wants to do a radical change to our plan, which may end up being just what I need. He wants to make a go of going vegetarian for a couple months and then go vegan for another month, and then to try eating mostly raw foods for the remaining month. After that, we will go back to being omnivores, but I'm not sure what our plan will be at that point.

I know that I could do this without going vegetarian, but I think that Carson is looking for something that will have more boundaries for him. I want to support him. At first I was going to argue with him, but then I realized why I was going to argue. It was the voice of an addict that doesn't want to give up their drug. I wanted sugar, and fats and to be able to eat whatever I want. but that philosophy has gotten me nowhere to be honest. So we'll start to research and prepare to begin cutting out meat in August.

Now I will say I am aware that going vegetarian does not guarantee by any means healthy eating or weight loss. You have to still make the right choices for food and to not eat too much of it. It is also important to make sure that you get the right nutrients, proteins and such. Since we'll be able to eat dairy and eggs at first that will be not as difficult as the last two months. Which is where the major research comes in. I am actually feeling alright about this, because it feels like there is something that is telling me that my body needs this. It'll be like a good detox and with the lessons we learn, we will be able to apply to our life as we step forward into married life.

Day 2

Above is my day. I ended up not having such a healthy dinner since my roommate and his fiancee offered to buy us dinner. I did get a small fry and not a medium, and I took it as extra motivation to get my exercise in for the evening no matter what. So it ended up working out to where I was still under my calories for the day when you net out the exercise with my calorie intake.

I am actually pretty proud of myself today. The walk to the store was unplanned. My roommate Jer, wanted to go up there to get something for him and his fiancee, Amber to drink. It's a lot more fun anyway to walk there with friends then to drive. And I got to listen to a couple Astral Projection tracks on Carson's iPod, which are definitely going into my "running music".

Day 1: It all starts now! :)

So today is my official "day 1". I was going to last week but it ended up not working out with the vacation and everything. I made an effort to eat more mindfully. I've been getting focused and excited about this whole project. It was sort of strange telling people about it. I mainly only told my family thus far, as I am skiddish when it comes to these sorts of things, so it takes awhile to get comfortable with something new, even if sometimes it never actually does arrive.

Due to my lower back flaring up like it does from time to time, and the massive amounts of fatigue from our trip, I decided have it be a "rest day" and tomorrow I will do ChaLean extreme burn circuit 1 and walk for 25 mins. I have an appointment with my Psychiatrist tomorrow at around 11am, so I'm planning on doing one workout in the morning and one in the evening when I get home from work. It would eventually be nice to get to where I can at least get some of my exercise done in the morning. It can help me get a good start to my day and it's less I have to do later.

Despite not getting my exercise plan started, I did keep within my calorie range. I did fairly well. I do want to get in more fruit. I'm on a real pineapple kick. I also tried black grapes, they were okay, but I think I'll stick to red. If the green grapes in the fridge are still good, I'll give those another try.

Below is my food diary for the day:

Day 1

I have already began to find my first 5k...well, technically 2nd, but I hope to be running most of it this time. :) This is really scary. It's scary in a good way, sort of like anticipating the big drop on a roller coaster. I also feel like there is no turning back, and if I don't do this now, I probably never will. It gets less and less likely it seems with every failure. There's just been some stuff that's been really hard to understand or conceptualize. There's a lot of vulnerability issues and feelings of safety I guess. I hope that I will not be criticized, we all have our demons, and reasons why we struggle with what we struggle.

I have discovered there is a lot more to this than I ever imagined, and it will make it really hard. But I know that the end result will be more than worth it, even if it doesn't seem like it sometimes.