I've been making progress, I'm getting more defined curves on my sides above my hips. My shoulders are also looking pretty good. And I'm proud of all my hard work and determination. I started the actual TurboFire videos, and they are awesome! It is hard, and intense, but a lot of fun. I feel so silly, but at the same time, like I'm just sort of goofing off and hanging out moving in front of my TV. Then, when I actually get a combo or a few moves just right, I feel so awesome!
On Saturday I went to the Goodwill to find some clothes. I needed some for work and my co-worker's wedding is on Friday, so I wanted something nice to wear. Anyway, I try on some pants in my size. they didn't really fit. The skirts were okay, except the one that should have been my size didn't quite fit and ones that should have been 2 to 3 sizes too large fit just fine. It wasn't very many clothes, but they were all sized smaller. And it just seems like my bottom half never shrinks as it is anyway. I'm just getting frustrated and discouraged since as of yet, all my progress is in my upper body. It seems like it's slowly making it's way down. I am proud of my progress and hard work, but I feel at the same time that it's like a drop in the ocean. And I also start feeling horribly out of proportion.
I did a HIIT workout last night, it was interesting. I am enjoying the TurboFire videos. It's back to the weight lifting though this week. I will be reaching 500 fitness minutes soon too. Should be tonight, hopefully, if not tonight, tomorrow. I'm getting nervous with the prospects of self sabotage on the horizon. I'm finding it harder to keep on track. I'm fighting. I'm fighting as hard as I can. I can't believe I haven't just given in like I always do. I take a day off here or there, but I'm still here fighting for my life back, the life I took from myself with every pound that I've gained that brought me here. So tonight, I will Continue fighting doing CLX: Push Circuit 1, and restarting month 1 week 2 of my C25K Program. My son may want to join me on the weight lifting. He's been very curious about it and want "to be strong like mommy". I found my 3lbs. so we'll see how that goes. I love doing this sort of thing with my family.
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Weeken Update 3: Can't believe it's been another week already
Another week has come and gone, it seems not all that long ago I was doing my last catch up because the days got away from me. It's been an interesting week, a lot of ups and downs. I've been on the new dose of my SNRI for a couple weeks now, and with the regular exercise and trying to make healthier choices, I'm starting to feel better actually. I'm not used to it at all, and I still feel like there is something wrong. I've suffered from chronic depression for most of my life, starting when I was a child. I've been going to a psychiatrist at the urging of my fiance and recommendation of my therapist since February. It's a slow process, but it feels like we may be making some progress.
It's been a lot easier eating within my range and the last time I went to Red Robin, I not only got a boca burger patty, I got the burger wrapped in lettuce. I really didn't miss the bun, not the at least 200 to 300 calories it would have had. All around it's been good, not major sabotaging binges or anything. We've also been vegetarian for one week now and I think that is helping a lot. It limits us from going and getting fast food, and we've been eating more fruit and vegetables. We already were working to cut out the junk food. So far we are experiencing some very healthy changes in our eating habits. I look forward to the months to come as we continue this journey to find a good balance with food together.
Wow, just about 10 more days to it being a month! I didn't realize that until I finished this with the picture captions.
It's been a lot easier eating within my range and the last time I went to Red Robin, I not only got a boca burger patty, I got the burger wrapped in lettuce. I really didn't miss the bun, not the at least 200 to 300 calories it would have had. All around it's been good, not major sabotaging binges or anything. We've also been vegetarian for one week now and I think that is helping a lot. It limits us from going and getting fast food, and we've been eating more fruit and vegetables. We already were working to cut out the junk food. So far we are experiencing some very healthy changes in our eating habits. I look forward to the months to come as we continue this journey to find a good balance with food together.
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| Day 15 |
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| Day 16 |
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| Day 18 |
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| Day 19 |
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| Day 20 |
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Little things
Discouragement is easy to find and motivation is difficult to hold onto. It just seems to slip from my hands like a ribbon being pulled from you hand in the wind. I look at myself as a whole and only focus into how my stomach is so huge and will never be smaller, or how large my thighs are. I see everything I want to change that hasn't, and it just drags me down.
The workouts are intense and hard. I adjust however I need to to accommodate my body size, but I tend to end up using it to remind me of how far I have to go as opposed to how far I've come. I can't do measurements, cause when it comes to my waist and hips I obsess over if I've done it the same as the first: is this the same area? is this how I was standing the first time? And the results can be too stressful to handle. So I weigh myself almost everyday to just gauge how my body fluctuates over the week, it also can ground me and keep me in check when it comes to making better choices with my eating and wanting to exercise. But when you see yourself the same or just getting larger and larger and never seem to be able to do anything but lose sight and sabotage yourself, it easy to lose sight of any progress you've made.
My fiance has unknowingly kept me going these last few days. It's been harder to get my workouts in, not because I was discouraged or anything, just that I'm tired and wanted to do other things. It would be so easy to just relax on the couch and do nothing.
My fiance Carson is very supportive, and he's not the first one. I have lots of support, but he did something that really helped me. A couple days ago, I said that the muscles on my sides are sore from working out out, and he responded with, "that's where I'm noticing where you're getting curvier". He had made little comments as to it before. He just has this way of drawing my attention to it and appreciating my hard work. I guess also helping me notice my hard work starting to pay off.
He unknowingly has given me a wonderful gift. I've been able to focus more on what I've accomplished and how far I've come, instead of only seeing what I haven't done, or how far I have to go. When I've been having problems getting motivated, and I think about putting off my exercise until later or tomorrow. I then think about what Carson said, and all the little comments he had made about the progress I've made. It's made it a lot easier to see how I'm changing and knowing that it's not my imagination. It's really hard to for me to acknowledge these things. But I'm working on it and making progress. I get stronger everyday, and it feels really good. It also helps me in every aspect of my life. I'm a better mother, partner, friend, and just a better person all around.
The workouts are intense and hard. I adjust however I need to to accommodate my body size, but I tend to end up using it to remind me of how far I have to go as opposed to how far I've come. I can't do measurements, cause when it comes to my waist and hips I obsess over if I've done it the same as the first: is this the same area? is this how I was standing the first time? And the results can be too stressful to handle. So I weigh myself almost everyday to just gauge how my body fluctuates over the week, it also can ground me and keep me in check when it comes to making better choices with my eating and wanting to exercise. But when you see yourself the same or just getting larger and larger and never seem to be able to do anything but lose sight and sabotage yourself, it easy to lose sight of any progress you've made.
My fiance has unknowingly kept me going these last few days. It's been harder to get my workouts in, not because I was discouraged or anything, just that I'm tired and wanted to do other things. It would be so easy to just relax on the couch and do nothing.
My fiance Carson is very supportive, and he's not the first one. I have lots of support, but he did something that really helped me. A couple days ago, I said that the muscles on my sides are sore from working out out, and he responded with, "that's where I'm noticing where you're getting curvier". He had made little comments as to it before. He just has this way of drawing my attention to it and appreciating my hard work. I guess also helping me notice my hard work starting to pay off.
He unknowingly has given me a wonderful gift. I've been able to focus more on what I've accomplished and how far I've come, instead of only seeing what I haven't done, or how far I have to go. When I've been having problems getting motivated, and I think about putting off my exercise until later or tomorrow. I then think about what Carson said, and all the little comments he had made about the progress I've made. It's made it a lot easier to see how I'm changing and knowing that it's not my imagination. It's really hard to for me to acknowledge these things. But I'm working on it and making progress. I get stronger everyday, and it feels really good. It also helps me in every aspect of my life. I'm a better mother, partner, friend, and just a better person all around.
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