Little things

Discouragement is easy to find and motivation is difficult to hold onto. It just seems to slip from my hands like a ribbon being pulled from you hand in the wind. I look at myself as a whole and only focus into how my stomach is so huge and will never be smaller, or how large my thighs are. I see everything I want to change that hasn't, and it just drags me down.

The workouts are intense and hard. I adjust however I need to to accommodate my body size, but I tend to end up using it to remind me of how far I have to go as opposed to how far I've come. I can't do measurements, cause when it comes to my waist and hips I obsess over if I've done it the same as the first: is this the same area? is this how I was standing the first time? And the results can be too stressful to handle. So I weigh myself almost everyday to just gauge how my body fluctuates over the week, it also can ground me and keep me in check when it comes to making better choices with my eating and wanting to exercise. But when you see yourself the same or just getting larger and larger and never seem to be able to do anything but lose sight and sabotage yourself, it easy to lose sight of any progress you've made.

My fiance has unknowingly kept me going these last few days. It's been harder to get my workouts in, not because I was discouraged or anything, just that I'm tired and wanted to do other things. It would be so easy to just relax on the couch and do nothing.

My fiance Carson is very supportive, and he's not the first one. I have lots of support, but he did something that really helped me. A couple days ago, I said that the muscles on my sides are sore from working out out, and he responded with, "that's where I'm noticing where you're getting curvier". He had made little comments as to it before. He just has this way of drawing my attention to it and appreciating my hard work. I guess also helping me notice my hard work starting to pay off.

He unknowingly has given me a wonderful gift. I've been able to  focus more on what I've accomplished and how far I've come, instead of only seeing what I haven't done, or how far I have to go. When I've been having problems getting motivated, and I think about putting off my exercise until later or tomorrow. I then think about what Carson said, and all the little comments he had made about the progress I've made. It's made it a lot easier to see how I'm changing and knowing that it's not my imagination. It's really hard to for me to acknowledge these things. But I'm working on it and making progress. I get stronger everyday, and it feels really good. It also helps me in every aspect of my life. I'm a better mother, partner, friend, and just a better person all around.